wethelostooc | HMD the Sixth

LENZ

Characters:
JAY ZIMIN

amourtician
What are you looking for crit wise?:

1. Is he consistent?
2. Is he sympathetic?
3. How does he come off, personality-wise? This is the most important one, so I can compare against my intentions and see how I'm doing.
4. Is he fun to play with?

Thalia

Characters:
Dustin Silver

scruffy_mcjackass

Anything else?/what are you looking for crit wise?:
Big developments this month! Did Dustin's reactions to the bad days (and his own) sound realistic? Is his characterization consistent? Was all this melodrama fun to play off of? Anything else you can think of?

Also have a personal HMD on Dustin's journal, if you'd rather post crit there! Has all the usual bells and whistles.

I would just like to say that your dedication to making Dustin be the assholiest asshole to ever... ass... is an incredible thing. He is amazing to play off of, because it's rare to see that kind of deeply antagonistic character in games. He's freakin' fascinating. And I find that you're very consistent with it!

And I've been sitting here for like, five minutes trying to think of anything that could use improvement and I'm coming up dry, so... keep on keepin' on!

Ohmygosh thank you! I always worry that the sheer assholery Dustin projects makes people uncomfortable, so it's good to hear that people enjoy tagging with him! I am very flattered, thank you thank you thank you ;////;

I'll second this. From what I've seen, it's extremely difficult to maintain Dustin's character type in a game. You do an awesome job. I'm always super excited to see tags from him in my inbox whether I'm replying or just stalking your threads.

I am going to get as much mileage out of this one happy icon Dustin has as possible! Seriously, I could not be happier, I'm just--going to quietly squirm in my chair for a bit, don't mind me.

I will do my very best to make sure Dustin continues being a character worth stalking! Thank you very, very much! I'm super glad that I can make people happy! :3

Terri

Characters:
Bertie Wooster |

preuxchevalier
What are you looking for crit wise?:
General crit would be appreciated if there's anything I'm mucking up too horribly.

Edited 2014-04-29 21:47 (UTC)

Michi
Characters:
Terezi Pyrope

pythianjudgment

Anything else?/what are you looking for crit wise?:
Anything at all. I'm open to crit. <3

Lan
Characters:
Theo Crawford

sanctus_dei

Anything else?/what are you looking for crit wise?: Other than slowness, I hope I'm doing well.

ZIRI

Characters:
MIKA WHITEPAWS

wolfishsurvivalist
What are you looking for crit wise?:

1. Do I portray her conditions properly? (ptsd, anxiety and depression issues)
2. Is she too over-the-top?
3. Is she enjoyable to play off of?

General crit is fine too! I know my tagging rate's really dropped off and I'm sorry for that.

I've been really enjoying having the chance to play against Mika here! It didn't crop up nearly often enough in Mayfield, and I really enjoy her.

Though there's one thing I've been waiting for an HMD to mention. Mika's tags tend to be very long, in that they're cramming in a lot of dialogue or action where a shorter tag might make things flow better. She tends to say a lot of words when the situation might not allow time for a lot of words... or a lot of words without leaving others a chance to get a word in edgewise. (As an example, in the thread where she interrupts Kain's practice to put a scarf on him, her rushing in, bestowing the scarf, then backing off to nag at him didn't leave much room for Kain to immediately warn Mika off, as I could have seen him doing. I had to roll with a reaction that I might otherwise not have picked.) It's easy to get into Exposition Mode when there's lots to expos...ish(?) on, and I've been there before, too! But since I've started with DWRP, I've tried to deliver my dialogue in smaller chunks, the better to let the other person comment and toss their own two cents back more compactly. I find it makes for a more natural flow of conversation.

I really like how thought out her world and backstory is, and how you've handled her conditions and issues. Playing against her can be a pretty dark experience, but playing against most of the characters here can lead to some dark places, so. Her darkness is complimentary to everyone's darkness. I look forward to getting up to even more stuff with her! (Gotta go be a pest on the CR meme, yes yes...)

Shoot! I was worried I was doing that. Ughhhh so embarrassing, but thanks for telling me. I'll get on that.

Seconding Lampy's initial dealio with- sometimes you really have Mika roll the ball of exposition downhill a bit too fast. While I love super long tags and hearing character's thoughts/exposition, it's hard to keep up with when you offer three-four different topics of conversation in a tag. Especially when the shift makes a character swap moods suddenly, it leaves you with a lot to react with/cut out of your own tag.

Mika said 'I LOVE PIE, SO DELICIOUS.'

then she remembered something that changed her mood completely, thus she scowled and commented, 'maybe pie isn't so great after all.'

'I remember when OTHER TOPIC HAPPENED, ECT'

while my example is a bit silly (and pie based, yummm) it's kind of what happens sometimes when we have a thread going. Not that I'm innocent of this thing either, trust me. It's something that I noticed and couldn't articulate properly until I saw Lampy's comment.

Outside of that, I think you're still handling Mika's depression, PSTD and anxiety really well. You still handle it really subtle and smoothly.

Ugh, pulling at my face in embarrassment. Regretting not realizing this sooner, but I think I've been kinda worried that my tags look wrong for a while now but figured it was just me.

I'll definitely do my best to cut back on that.

Eeeh, no worries, we all do that sometimes when we have something we feel like our character SHOULD say in that tag before the topic is diverted. Like I said, I ain't innocent of this either. Just keep an eye on it and yo good.

SORA
Characters:
Eddie Riggs

kingroadie
Lili Zanotto

justshutupraz

Anything else?/what are you looking for crit wise?: Have I been having grammar issues? Spelling? Did I mix up words? If its something that really broke the flow of a comment, give me a nudge. Other than that, how are Eddie and Lili sounding these days? Still IC?

If you fine folks have any comments about my mod work, this is the place to talk about it as well!

Edited 2014-04-29 22:36 (UTC)

QV
Character:
IENZO

discardthex

What are you looking for crit wise?:

Well other than my generally being absent the entire latter half of April (I should be back in full force soon, though, I promise), mostly I've been reviewing canon recently and in short I'm wondering if he's being enough of a dick recently. He's going to be less of one than he was there, of course, since he's had over a year of development since then, but I wonder if that's enough to account for all of it.

Anything else you can think of is welcome too, of course. (be gentle i am but a delicate flower)

I personally wouldn't mind seeing Ienzo be more of a dick. I think that might just be me really enjoying him and Even when they're sniping at each other. I know it's unlikely Bertie would see much of this side of him due to their relationship, but I'm a thread-stalker. It might help to bring back that sense that he's a man who's had emotions for all of two years now, and he's still sorting out how to deal with them.

Airdra
Characters:
Hajime Aikawa

chalicejoker
Anything else?/what are you looking for crit wise?: So my biggest priority is basically that everyone involved has fun. And if I've had too much Darkroach running around, let me know, for I am well aware that while I enjoy writing goofy pet monsters quite a lot, other people may have different tolerances for goofy pet monsters. General crit's good, too!

I just want to say I love goofy pet monsters.

Oh, good! I do hope this goofy pet monster will continue to be entertaining, then!

Bramble
Characters:
Murai

godsword
Ammond Raidie

psycheslantern
Anything else?/what are you looking for crit wise?: Nothing in particular? If there's anything you'd like to bring up, I'm all ears.

Amanda
Characters:
Sasha Nein

truepsychictale
Anything else?/what are you looking for crit wise?: Anything and everything, things have been so silent I know there must be something wrong.

I think we work on different philosophies with mine being: "No news is good news." Re: Sasha, though, his voice is consistent and he's interesting to play against. I'm not one to talk about typos, but they do seem to be there a lot in your tags, particularly where punctuational is concerned. It's more an aesthetic problem than a readability one, though. One other thing I've noticed is that your tag style (short, mostly dialogue) is great for when when we're boomeranging, but it can sometimes be to the detriment of environmental details/physical cues. Might spice up your writing to add a little more on occasion!

I admit, when I started to RP I was in a rough group who told me 'No news is bad news' so I know I need to get out of that line of thinking (I admit, I stress over too much lol)

Thank you very much, I guess I became so used to games where one boomerangs I forgot how to add environmental- but I am more than willing to learn! So, if you see something where I can add some spice/detail please tell me. I know I have been trying to improve on that (although slowly). And I will try harder to focus on my punctuation so everything could work together better.

Thank you very, very much!

And then I noticed the double 'when' in my critique of typos. I'm just going to go facepalm over here. More seriously, I think you're doing very well in the Pai threads, so far, for adding a good amount of detail to complement the dialogue. So, you might take that as a guide!

Some of those are mine, but Sora and I both swap with Pai :3 But thank you very much :D

Edited 2014-04-30 04:33 (UTC)

Hydok
Characters:
Justin Law

deafscythe
Anything else?/what are you looking for crit wise?: Basically anything. Am I consistent, am I handling things with Justin well, am I being too obnoxious about how much I like traumatizing my character?

LAMPY
Characters:
Natalie Waters

spitefulvitae
Kain Highwind

ajealouswind
Dakki Sigal

photonicfighter
Anything else?/what are you looking for crit wise?:
Are my characters fun to play against? Is anything that they do a detriment to fun threads and good times?
Have their personalities been consistent?
Am I taking their development in reasonable directions? (Okay, okay, this is just my ongoing anxiety about Natalie's wanting new magic, and the various ways I've debated of getting her such a thing.)
Is the overall quality of my writing okay?

I'm up for any kind of crit! I always want to try and do better!

Although our chars haven't interacted much, I wanted to let you know how much I enjoy Natalie's tags and characterization. You're writing is always a pleasure to read, you do a good job of convoying Natalie's "voice," while at the same time presenting a pretty well distanced view of events, descriptions, and etc.

I haven't stalked the others much (yet), but I look forward to seeing what you do with them in the future.

As for Natalie, he development has been interesting, and I have always found her personality consistent. I don't think you should worry about Natalie wanting new magic, from what I have seen of her character it makes sense, and in fact I think you could even push her a little more. She doesn't seem the type to sit back and take what's given to her. XD But obviously, you know her better than I do. :) Hope that helps, I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with her next.

Thank you very much! It's always an honor to know that someone's been stalking you. :D

I do need to push to get her more involved and active with things! I'm not always the most active of players, myself... and if I miss the initial rush when a Thing Happens, I'll tend to just sit out of it because I feel like I'm being silly to show up late.

But I shall certainly more aggressively pursue magical shiz for her in May!

Aki
Characters: Sollux Captor

psionichax0r

What are you looking for crit wise?:

1. Although I'm aware already of my constant need to improve via typos, I'd appreciate comments on the subject, letting me know how I am doing. I have been working lately on eliminating sentence fragments from my writing. While I think that fragments can add to the drama of a tag, frequently, they can read awkwardly and really there isn't a need for that much drama most of the times I use them. Run on sentences are also something I've been wrangling with.

2. If you have any opinions on those grammatical errors I'd be happy to hear them. In addition, I've been concerned about my tagging speed as of late and plot follow through. Have you noticed any problems?

3. Although Sollux's moods fluctuate quite a bit I also think I've been having him cycle a bit... Outside the norm. Actually I'm having a lot of trouble with his voice lately (probably due to all the recent changes to his relationships/environments) so comments on characterization are welcome. I understand it's difficult to comment on characterization for him since he has had 3 years to develop in this and previous games, but if you notice anything, even if you suspect there might be a reason for it, that seems off, I would be really pleased to hear it.

Basically, any comments in regards to grammar, characterization, and plot speed/follow through are appreciated. I really enjoy getting crit, so please don't hesitate to say something because you think "it will sound mean." You're unlikely to upset me, getting better at writing and characterization, and getting feedback on the process is part of the reason I like rp so much.

Edited 2014-04-30 10:20 (UTC)

This is a lot less about character and more about plotting stuff tbh. I know you've started maybe two IC projects for Sollux (if I remember correctly) a graveyard and rec center. I feel like for such big projects you don't really throw it around enough or bring it up a lot icly or oocly.

If these were like super small projects it would be EEEH and not matter too much, but since this is taking up sections of the world map/something other characters would notice, you should definitely bring it up in CR meme's and tell other people about it. Cause I completely forgot about the graveyard thing until recently. Be loud and proud with the idea, see if that helps make it take off a bit more. I saw you post about the rec center awhile back, but there hasn't been a lot of follow through (due to IRL stuff likely).

When Amanda and I are both online we can definitely discuss making the graveyard a marked thing on the map if you're still having Sollux attempt that. Same for the rec center if you're keeping that in play.

Putting it up on the cr meme. I cannot believe I did not think of that!

On an ic level I'm not sure how to bring it up more. Rec center idea I had an open log for. And that was only brought up in march so during april with craziness going around needless to say it wasn't an ic priority. Given it's a new idea I didn't think I'd dropped the ball on it much, but if you have thoughts an how I can mention it more ic and oocly I'm happy to hear them.

Right now sollux is taking a break from the rec center and recuperating, hence his message on the bulletin board, but he's still been talking to ammond and bees about it's construction and I do plan on posting more about it ic in the future.

For graveyard I also had brought it up in places icly and made an open log for it but. No one bit. Since sollux has since sort of abandoned graveyard idea because he is not good at finishing things (and no other characters seemed into it given lack of responses when it was brought up ic so I didn't want to push things on an ooc level as well.). It's got rocks in it and.. that's pretty much it.

He never really was going to advertise the idea much anyway. If you want to mark it on the map that's cool but it is nothing more than an artistic grouping of rocks and likely never will be.

Oocly. Cr memes def gotta mention it. I will ammend my post to the meme. Don't wanna clutter the ooc comm but that's a possibility to. As for ic I can't think of much except for the open logs I've been doing. Thoughts on that? Thanks for the feedback. I'll look for more oppurtunities to through it around.

There ain't no shame in posting to the OOC comm honestly. Not everyone has a plurk or is friends with you on there (not yet anyway!), so I encourage people to plot on the OOC comm as well. I know I didn't have plurk for ages and missed out on stuff in fac.

I can definitely understand why he's put plans off ICLY for the rec center since April happened. Along with the graveyard. I meant to personally IM you over what was going on with that, but heck I've been side tracked. I'll talk with Amanda about marking it on the map at least even if it is just artfully settled rocks. If other players know its there, they'll start adding things as well. Hopefully make it more of a section on the map.

Sollux talking with Ammond and the bees is definitely good, I was gonna suggest keeping a loop of people Icly informed so it'd keep going.

HMD the Sixth

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